| Spring Break yay |
[Apr. 3rd, 2005|09:52 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  busy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Modest Mouse | ] |
So it's Spring Break yay!! Finally I couldnt wait for it to be here. Time is going by so damn fast. I went to the mock rock and it was the best thing I have ever seen. Jimmy that was hot what you did lol i never knew you could dance. Shane just by seeing you around school you look great and so happy listen im sorry for what i said you don't have to talk to talk to me or anything i wish you wouldnt for your own good but i want to wish you the best of luck. You'll do good no matter what you do. So i havent cut in a week i'm getting better I think,but you really never know until the stress comes and I cut again. My mom is getting on my last nerve. It's like i piss her off no matter what I do. I have to find a job over spring break so i can support myself and she won't bitch that I'm never home. I hate being there,but right now I wish that i was because knowing my room is a mess is bothering me even over here at pauls i love being here dont get me wrong if they would let me stay everyday i would be so fucking happy,but i was to realize that i have to go home sometime or another. Having a job would mean that i would get to be home less and less. So its time to really just get out there and go everywhere. For some odd reason it's just I hate going in and asking for a job i know it may sound weird,but i hate it so much. I feel so stupid. Well i betta get going. For jason don't be so stressed out and remember I love you a whole lot. Nic |
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| Been awhile |
[Jan. 18th, 2005|11:03 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  mellow | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Taking Back sunday | ] |
It's been a really long time. Good things have happened. Paul and I are back togther for good this time. Things couldnt be better with us. The bad news is im recovering from being a cutter. I went to the doctor and now im not crazy lol. Not that I ever was. Its just I couldnt handle things that were going,but its all good now. I have to look for a job this week great great....... My licia is coming into my tech class im so damn excited. Yay now ill have someone in my class that is a really really good friend. Well i have to get going but ill write more sometime soon. Yay I dont have to come to school friday. Love nic |
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| Thats right people i did dye my hair thanks for noticing fuck ya'll hehe |
[Dec. 17th, 2004|08:25 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  drained | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Good Charlotte Predictable | ] |
My life isnt all that interesting not like it ever was.Not much as been happening. Im a single women for a while now I have to say thats the way I want it to stay. Paul and I are good friends who are working on a better frienship. Im thinking about making his family cookies for chirstmas. My tounge was periced and i took it out for medical reasons and it was hurting my mouth really bad. Yay Im going to be 18 soon and im going to get a few tattoos and my my lip percied. Im going to Cali after school is out its all taken care of thank god I get out of this place. School is going alright. Im working on becoming a cook and when everything is said and done i want ppl to come to the school resturant when its open. Ill be cooking and serving. Fun times. I've only dyed my hair a few times it was half pink and then i just dyed the same part dark red and the rest turned out brown. I like dying my hari because its fun looking to see how it turned out. ok maybe im just werird. I was reading some of my other jounral damn do I seem to hate people and this school. nothing has chnaged i still do. Just not as much now. SOOOOOOO i want to get jack from a nightmare before christmas tattoo. my mom would kill me and when im 90 i dont think ill want that but my guitars on my back arent going to look the cutest either. The way that I look at it im going to do what i want and im going to get old anyway and im going to die and then it really wont matter so oh well. I still havent gotton my senior pictures done i know that I should but im just putting it off like a mother. I was suppose to turn in my money for senior secret grad night thing and i didnt do that bc i was so tired and i forgot to ask my mom. I get to watch elf today yay i love that movie. Oh my god the worse thing happened i lost heat in my car god does that suck bc it was really cold esterday driving home and i had to drive the soccor mom mobile. haha fun shit there. Well i have to get going but everyone have a good x mas break i hope you get all that you want be safe. love nic |
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| Hey kids im back |
[Sep. 7th, 2004|09:22 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  horny | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Matchbox romance | ] |
Hey im back at school. Im not in a computer class but when im in accounting in which I dont get a computer anyway. Then i have my tech class where im at muskegon three hours of my day. I like it though i get away from ov. Im at my ends with people that go to this school so getting out of here is great. I like my classes though my teachers are cool. Ya know how that goes though, I wont be saying that the thrid week in. Well im out nic |
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| Happy people and then me |
[Jun. 3rd, 2004|08:09 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cold | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Silver and Cold"~ Afi | ] |
I can't wait to get out of school. I don't mean for the summer. I mean forever, I hate this place and the way that I am here. I wan't to leave and not have to see these people again. Yes, people are going to be mad that I said that I want to get away from these people which in that case means you. I don't mean all of these people trust me I'm going to miss alot of people. I know that I'm not going to see you alot over the summer. But if I am going to see you then you know that your not one of the people that i'm talking about. I'm sick of the halls and the people I don't know running into me. I'm ready to laeve this place and to be honest I don't ever want to come back. This place these people make me sick. Sick in the way that I'm so depressed when I come here. I can now understand why Crystal is so much better at home school. I wish I were. I'm starting to realize that people only pretent that they care. They say they understand,but at the end of the day i'm still alone and I know people are still talking behind my back. What I guess I just don't understand is that why people make such a big deal out of things that won't matter in high school anyway don't talk about me like you know me because I know you don't. You just have nothing better to do but talk behind my back. For those self indulge people I'm not talking about anyone with a name, im just talking about people in gneral. So no I'm not mad at anyone, yes im going to be fine. So don't ask. I'm depressed so don't say that you understand and if you want to talk your here, because at the end of the day im going to go home and your going to do whatever the fuck that you do and you wont really worry about me until you see the burns and cuts on my arms. Its a scary thing but unless I die i know people wont worry. This is more the likely my very last one. I have a computer but I dont know if I'm going to have the time to right. I'll try, but i guess that It really wont matter because most dont have a computer besdies at school. Have a good summer and see ya next year. Nicole |
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| Who the fuck did the rain dance? |
[Jun. 1st, 2004|10:31 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  rushed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Roses"~ Outkast | ] |
I would like to know who decided that we wanted rain for the next month. I have to be outside and its going to rain like everyother day. Work this weekend wasnt really work. I mean saturday I was on the sivering timbers great fun doing the seat belts and everything by myself. That was the worst thing that ive ever had to do. Then I got out at 2:30 on sunday because of the rain. That night licia and I went to a couple stores and then to old fashion days where we seen my dad and my stepmom. Then yesterday I got up from licias and went to work for about half hour and then i got sent home. I was happy I lost some money but then I was like I have to work all the time when I get out of school so really its not going to be that bad missing two days. Exams are tomorrow how fun, i really do hate exams because I always bomb them. Well im going to go bite shane see ya nic |
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| I was... |
[May. 28th, 2004|09:51 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | mellow | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Song Unkown" ~Unwritten Law | ] |
I was going to write about the shit that has been happening, but then I figured out that I wanted to look some more about the tattoo im going to get hells yay. I have to wait like a month to start getting it done. I want it now im sooo excited. Im not excited about working all this weekend. I hear about how all these people are doing things and I want to do them too. I am going to old fashion days today with licia. How exciting. all i really want is an elephant ear with cherries. That is my favorite thing ever, ever, ever. Well im out I have to pee and I need to go now lol Love ya'll nic |
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| Sad sad days |
[May. 24th, 2004|12:32 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | groggy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Who wouldn't want to be Me" Keith Urban | ] |
It seems that everyone is losing a love one. I'm sorry to all the people that have lost or know that they are soon going too. I'm so very sorry.
I had to work this weekend. It was really really long. It wasn't as bad as I thought that it would be. I didn't have to get up to early. I hate some people that go there though. Like how stupid can you be. "Yes, I can see you trying to change the horses." I hate that part, but I like the people. The cold weather has been sucking ass though. I do know this its going to be a long ass summer.
I went to my Aunts thing after her wedding. I felt bad because I wasn't able to go. It was alright, it took me 20 minutes to get there. I seen a friend of the family, she said she wouldnt be able to pick me out. I've grown up so big. lol she asked me if this is my natural hair color. I really need to dye it again. I seen my aunt and she looked wonderful. Her dress was so beautiful, and her hair looked amazing. Then it happened, my drunk father and the father of the groom got into it. I know we paid for the center pieces and shit like that, I think we paid for a DJ and the beer and shit like that. Well the grooms father spilled beer on the mustang. That really isnt that big of a deal wash the car. I think what pissed my dad off is that he was like its ok its free. So he was cussing and what not. Melissa my stepmom tried to calm him down. Then the chairs got kicked and he ened up in the parking lot. Now if I havent told you the story my dad has eneded up in the parking lot of three weddings. My Uncle Donie's he got kicked out or something like that, I was little,but I remember we left. His own he was out in the parking lot after getting pissed that some drunk guys crashed the party. And so after all that I decided that I didn't want Boo (lil brother Jeremy) to see that. So I took him home. I swear on everything though, no one will be drinking at my wedding. Well im out love nic |
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| Taco |
[May. 19th, 2004|12:35 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  lonely | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "For The Workfource, Drowning"~ Thursday | ] |
I was having a bad day today until I went out to lunch with licia and Ricky and had a taco. mmmm good. Im going over to shanes today. fun fun. I guess that Im just sick of school. Im sick of the people pretending to be my friend just so they have someone to talk to. People need to stop fronting and just be straight with me. What also made my day better was that fight that I heard about. I was a little pissed off that I missed it but i heard that it was a really good one. I love the class motto this year: To accomplish great things we must not only act, but also dream, not only plan but also believe.I love it better then the one last year. Something about dying or something. What the hell is that. Well i have to get going, but ill see ya later. luv nic |
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| Camping |
[May. 18th, 2004|12:44 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sleepy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "I sure can smell the Rain" ~ Blackhawk | ] |
My first day of work is this saturday. I really don't know what I have to do when I get there and whatnot. My miss my Boo hes not here. He's camping for a whole week. I miss having someone to talk to when I'm driving that 20 minutes home. I do have more time after school. I went to Shanes house last night. I went home and Paul came over to help me with my math. I then fell asleep and he watched Caleb for me. Lol I'm such a mean person to him. He helps me out a lot though. I'm going over to Licias today. Then tomorrow I think im going to go over Shanes again to hang out. I'm trying my hardest to make time for him. He makes me happy when were hanging out. Then thursday my mommy needs me to come home and watch my little brother, so she can go to work early then she'll be on her four day weekend. Normally when shes home I get to do whatever I want. Not in this case. Friday I have to go to Michigan Adventures to get my badge and my uniform. Saturday I have to work from 10-7 then i'm going to my aunts wedding. Sunday I also have to work. Im so busy this week. I was so tired last night and went to bed at like 9:30. Well i have to get going and kill licia. Luv everyone nic |
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| Anyone want a lobster? |
[May. 17th, 2004|10:38 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | horny | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Your body is a wonderland" ~ John Mayer | ] |
I went to Michigan Adventures yesterday. Man am i red now, my dumb ass didnt take off my sun glasses and now i look really messed up. it was really boring if it wasnt for the hot repair men then omg i would have died. Im just ready to get started im nervous because it seems like if i do one thing wrong im going to get fired. I did see my cute boy nathan. My bethie dont start work until june 21 how sad is that. i went and seen my dad yesterday. The problem with him is that he just doesnt seem interested in whats going on in my life. I just dont know what to think anymore well im out im tired and blah nic |
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| To much shit |
[May. 14th, 2004|12:24 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  gloomy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Tomorrow I'll be You"~ Thursday | ] |
Well today has been a hard day. I'm feeling like shit because people are upset about what Shane said about me. I understand why they would be upset,but the way that I look at it is people feel comfortable with other people about some things. I dont want people to hate me because Shane and I talk about our days. I think that all of us need to realize that all this shit wont matter when we get out of high school. I Know that shane and I dont hang out but that is because i live so far out and its just easier that way. People dont need to hang out everyday to be close ive learned that. I just dont know what to think. Everyone seems hurt by something.Im ready for the weekend thats for sure. I have to go to Michigan adventures sunday and licia and paul are coming out to my house tomorrow. My little brother caleb is sick and that sucks. I feel right now that it would be better if I didnt try to help but i understand what shanes going through with his dad. My dad and I dont talk because I didnt want to go to his house and now that I want to its just that he doesnt want to see me. Shane should talk to his dad. I think that it helps talking to friends about things because then you get to know what everyone is thinking. I understand why beth and elisia were upset because of the way shane said it, but i believe that he meant that i understand him right now and i can help him because im going through the same thing. I dont know what to do i dont want to make things worse for everyone yet i dont know how to make them better. Paul is mad at me for some stupid reason. When arent we fighting. For us not being togther we fight alot. Summer is going to be hard for me to see people. thats why i think its going to be easier that im not "with" anyone.I have like two days off and thats going to be hard. I dont want some boy calling mad at me because I dont have time to spend with him. Im going to go to work hang out with people and i know that no matter how busy i am this summer ill make time for my friends. Well im out luv nic |
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| Starting a new trend |
[May. 13th, 2004|10:12 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cheerful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "I'm bouncin' off the Walls again" ~ Sugarcult | ] |
I'm going to be the first person in the whole school to wear a blues clues band aid on there forehead. hehe I have an owie and so i need a band aid. hehe. I dont really have much to write nothing has really been happening going to school coming home and just chillin. I cant do much else I have no money and gas is $2.09 or something. I about died when I heard that. Were all going to have to sell our bodies on the corner to get money for gas how sad is that. Well im out i have people to email talk to ya later nic |
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| Thank someone |
[May. 11th, 2004|10:05 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | drained | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Boys of summer"~ The Ataris | ] |
We got our pictures back yesterday, yeah they turned out good. How exciting is that. That was really the only good part about prom. but I really dont care. I have to go get my glasses fixed today. hehe I broke them while I was out on the deck at my house helping my brother with his damn egg project. I hate to whine so damn much, but I just dont know what to do with my house. I've been watching Caleb like every second that ive been home and its really starting to get to me. He always wants to be around me. The more that he is around the more I yell at him. My patients is running very short. Yet then I feel bad because hes only 2 but shouldnt he spend time with his mom and well ron is a deadbeat that doesnt really do anything for his kid but yell at him. I need time to myself and last night caleb wanted to come into my room but i just couldnt do it. I feel on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Paul was over trying to help me with my math and that didnt go over so well. I was yelling at Jeremy and Caleb and it was really hot and I was ready to go to bed and paul was yelling at me for not paying attention to him because I was frustated because I just dong understand math. I mean it takes me forever. I know that im not stupid its just when I moved around so much i didnt get to learn all the things that I should of. All would be alright if school was done but then i have the pressure of going to work. Thats already started out bad, I dont want my aunt to hate me because I had to work if i knew what day it was on then i would have taken it off. I just feel bad, i dont think she likes me because i dont ever see my dad but hoildays like thats my fault and now im not going to her wedding. I wish i could just be like fuck everything, but I can't i have to much that i need to look after. Well enough of me compaining about everything and everyone. Im out love nic |
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| Thursday |
[May. 10th, 2004|10:43 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  anxious | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Divison St."~ Thursday | ] |
No not the band. I had to go to training thursday,it sucked really bad. I had to take the drug test, so did the other seven people so that took forever. then we had to go watch some videos. After we went outside where there were a bunch of bugs and we all had to start the rides. I felt like a complete ass. Picture standing up there and saying hello welcome to winky the whale. Yeah it sucked. Then because im under age i dont get to be a ride operator for be bop so im in the back. I have go to sunday and shit. The worse part is that my first day of work is the day that my aunt is getting married how sucky is that. We get our pictures back from prom today. Im a little nervous. I want them to turn out good. well im out nic |
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| I feel betta |
[May. 6th, 2004|08:10 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | calm | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Toxic"~ Britney Spears | ] |
I feel better today then I did yesterday. I have training today im really nervous because people have been telling me really bad things about working at Michigans Adventures. I feel like if i follow the rules do what they ask then im going to be just fine. People dont see it that way. Im really pissed that people dont think that im going to be able to do this. Put me down a little bit more please that would be great. Im not a little weak girl i can do more then people think. Im starting to learn that i really dont give a flying fart in space what the hell anyone thinks of me. I think now my life will go alot better. My home life is kicking my ass though. I told licia the other day just because It has the word dad in stepdad doesnt mean that ron can try to act like my dad. I dont need another to be pissed off at and hate thnak you. I dont hate my real dad in fact i love him but i just dont like the choices hes choosen. I really want to get out of my house as soon as possible. I cant stand all the yelling and shit that ron does. I dont say this of most people but I really wish that this man would end up well gone. I dont mean dead but I wish that they would split up, i thinkt that my mom can do so much better. Well im out byes nic. |
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| I dont know |
[May. 5th, 2004|12:35 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  confused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Me against the Music"~ Britney Spears | ] |
I read this thing that a friend of mine he wrote something about us. I feel bad because its like I messed something up that could have been really great. Hes a really great guy and I messed this up because I was really stupid. I had these stupid rules about dating boys from a different schools. Hes wrote about it before and when I think about him hurting i start to cry. I'm confused on how he feels about me.Im getting mixed signals from people. I dont know how he sees me. I guess I should talk about him instead of being hurt and crying. Its kind of a sore subject though. Im at a lost. Nic |
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| Dude that sucked |
[May. 3rd, 2004|10:16 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sick | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "War All The Time"~ Thursday | ] |
Prom wasn't all that good. Getting ready was fun and doing all the things before and after was good. Being there really sucked. I wasn't in the mood after someone I knew pissed me off. They played sucky music and i just wasnt into being there. I can't wait to get my pictures and what not, but thats really about it. I dont really know what to think besides that. I want to get a yearbook for this year because they'll have showcase and whatnot in there and i want it because of that. But telling my mom that i need the money for it isnt going to be pretty and I have to do it this week. I guess that I could do a I.O.U. but I could just hear what she would say to me. I hate not having money it sucks. I can't wait to start work. I dont know what to do. See ya luv nic |
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| English |
[Apr. 30th, 2004|10:02 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | relaxed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Name" ~ The Goo Goo Dolls | ] |
Licia locked her kays in her car so we had to go to her moms house. It was funny if you think about it now. We were a little late to class, but oh well. I have a doctors app. today. I have to get some medicine to clear up my face. I look ugly right now with my face all red and shit. I'm not really excited about prom like some people are. I really want to get the pictures of licia and me and paul and I. Paul and I really don't have any good pictures togther. Even though he doesnt know about it right now we're going to get pictures. I mean im going to go get my hair done,eat, dress, dance and thats about it. I mean whats there really to get all excited about. I've never seen my paul in a tux, im kind of excited about that. I love the way the project in my english class turned about. I went to pauls and he did the cover for me. It has the hottest man alive johnny depp inside. mmmmm boy. I want to get it back as soon as possible. I also wante to go get started on my job, it may sound weird but i want to because then ill be getting money and ill be meeting new people. Ill be getting my tatoo, and fixing my car, getting a tan.That and because im going to be standing and walking and what not ill be able to finally lose the weight I put on over the year. That's a really big plus to me. I know as soon as i get there and the first week is over that im going to be like omg i just want to be done with this all. Im worried about having to drive all the way there and back. My brothers arent capable of watching my brother. It's 45 minutes to get home, that part is going to be a really big bitch. I guess its what im going to have to do. The only really bad problem is that, that money isnt going to last. After awhile im going to be jobless again. Well im out everyone have fun at prom be safe hehe. A everyone should save a dance for me. Love yas nic |
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| I got it!!!! |
[Apr. 29th, 2004|12:52 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | confused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Toot Toot"~Wiggles hehe i have a 2 year old brother | ] |
I went for my interview. I was so nervous at first, but the guy was cute and he wasnt all about saying the right thing. It took me like 5 minutes and then we started talking about where I would be placed and when I would work. I'm going to be working five days a week, besides monday and friday. I'll be wokring 12 hours a day. Im going to be on the old fashion cars. So if you come to Michigan Adventures ill be around there. Today im feeling sick, not sick like tummy but like i just dont know what to do with myself. i feel like crying but i dont know why. Well i have to get going see ya later nic |
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